21-Aug @ MDA
Edna has her semi-monthly CAT scan again today-- She's had so many that her body has grown allergic to the contrast, so she had to take steroids last night to try and counteract that, but the steroids create their own smaller discomfort. Sitting with her waiting for them to take blood from her chemo- shrunken veins (Chemo shrinks tumors sometimes, but it also shrinks other things as well.) I begin to feel the old familiar sense of dread ... that I would rather be somewhere else.
And then it dawns on me: We were! My mind goes to various unconnected memories of The Big Loop.
I read the above to Edna and she described similar thoughts that she had been having. Edna describes her way of thinking like this, "I try to let the good thoughts float on top of the bad ones."
May all of our good thoughts float atop the bad thoughts.
Back to the journal...
It is time, then, to begin the trip report.
Who would admit to thinking...
"I would rather not spend time with the people who love me most.
"What my business associates think is more important than what my handicapped son thinks.
"I know my wife is not going to live forever (nor am I); still, and all, I would rather risk future regrets than make present sacrifices to be with her."
But how do we behave?
Thank God for Edna's cancer. It is the lens that focuses our attention on what is really important.