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I need to hear a good new joke


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#1281 ski3pin

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Posted 22 March 2019 - 10:29 PM

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison but then I remembered you cannot end a sentence with a proposition.


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2003 Ford Ranger FX4 Level II 2013 ATC Bobcat SE "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."- Abraham Lincoln  http://ski3pin.blogspot.com/


#1282 Wandering Sagebrush

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Posted 22 March 2019 - 11:38 PM

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison but then I remembered you cannot end a sentence with a proposition.


Sounds like a proposition occurred much earlier.
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I am haunted by waters


#1283 cwdtmmrs

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Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:07 AM

A country Doctor was making a house call on one of his very ill patients when he noticed a very quaint well in the yard. As he walked over for a closer look, he tripped and fell head first down the well and drowned.

 

You can guess the moral of the story....


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#1284 CougarCouple

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Posted 26 March 2019 - 03:01 PM

What’s the moral , please.
Russ
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#1285 cwdtmmrs

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Posted 26 March 2019 - 04:44 PM

"Doctors should mind the sick and leave the well alone"


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CWDT

#1286 Vic Harder

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Posted 26 March 2019 - 05:13 PM

groannn  ;-)


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#1287 CougarCouple

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Posted 27 March 2019 - 03:06 AM

Thank you sir.

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#1288 ntsqd

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Posted 27 March 2019 - 03:34 AM

So dumb it's funny.

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."


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Thom

Where does that road go?

#1289 cwdtmmrs

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Posted 27 March 2019 - 03:52 PM

*SCAM ALERT*

 

 

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall

and in dark parking lots, etc.  This is the first warning I have seen

for men.  I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's,

Home Depot, Sam’s Club, or even Wal-Mart.  This one caught me totally

by surprise.  Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam

while out shopping.  Simply going out to get supplies has turned out

to be quite traumatic.  Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't

happen to you or your friends.

 

Here's how the scam works; Two very beautiful, college-age girls will

come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into

your vehicle.  They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and

Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy

T-shirts.  (It's impossible not to look).  When you thank them and

offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to

McDonald's.

 

You agree and they climb into the vehicle.  On the way, they start

undressing.  Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the

other one steals your wallet.

 

I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,

again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 29th.  Also March 1st, 2nd,

8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this upcoming

weekend.

 

So tell your friends to be careful.  What a horrible way to take

advantage of us older men.  Warn your friends to be vigilant.

 

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each.  I found even cheaper

ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them out in three of

their stores.

 

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's.  I've already lost 11 pounds

just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Wal-Mart

 

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn

them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just

before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

 

So please be very careful!!!  It could happen to you


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CWDT

#1290 ntsqd

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Posted 29 March 2019 - 01:11 PM

So, I have an EpiPen now... My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.


Edited by ntsqd, 29 March 2019 - 01:11 PM.

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Thom

Where does that road go?




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