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I need to hear a good new joke

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#1401 billharr


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Posted 28 March 2020 - 02:12 AM

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.



When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."

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#1402 Casa Escarlata Robles Too

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Posted 28 March 2020 - 06:35 PM

Sure hope there's no truth in that.


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#1403 Kolockum


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Posted 28 March 2020 - 06:45 PM

Every machine is a smoke machine.... If you operate it wrong enough. If your lucky it will also throw sparks.

Edited by Kolockum, 28 March 2020 - 06:47 PM.

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#1404 PaulT


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Posted 28 March 2020 - 09:52 PM

In the computer and control systems industry where I mostly worked, we used to say "You can tell your company is having financial difficulties when they hire an MBA.  It's about to go out of business if it's a Harvard MBA."



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I thought getting old would take longer.

#1405 Vic Harder

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Posted 04 April 2020 - 02:41 AM

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and fortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since....

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#1406 JaSAn


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Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:44 PM

This weekend's project:


shower bar copy.jpg

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#1407 Ted



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Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:45 PM

This weekend's project:


attachicon.gifshower bar copy.jpg


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"Not all who wander are lost. Except Ted, he's usually lost."  Dirty Dog

#1408 Casa Escarlata Robles Too

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Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:58 PM

This weekend's project:

attachicon.gifshower bar copy.jpg

That's handy. But I don't see any Pliny there.
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#1409 Wandering Sagebrush

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Posted 12 April 2020 - 01:18 PM

Out of boredom, I made a belt out of a bunch of old watches I collected.

Just realized it's a waist of time...

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#1410 ski3pin



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Posted 12 April 2020 - 03:03 PM

It is cloudy here this early morning. The easter bunny didn't see his shadow but we still get six more weeks of shelter in place.

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2003 Ford Ranger FX4 Level II 2013 ATC Bobcat SE "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."- Abraham Lincoln


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