An old but fitting joke.
A minister goes to visit a church member at their home. While there, he/she/they, is invited to stay for dinner by the (husband, wife, spouse, significant other or select your preferred pronoun). The minister, a straight upright person whose motto is "cleanliness is close to godliness" is visible apprehensive as the old house is a bit shabby with dust and occasional bits of dog hair in sight. The homeowner seeing this, and a bit embarrassed, says, "Oh, don't worry minister, me dishes are as clean as soap and water can make them". Calmed by this, the minister sits and enjoys a wonderful dinner of stew - but being a stew, there is some gravy left on the plate. Afterwards, and being a polite person, the minister asks if the homeowner wants help with the dishes. To which the homeowner repeats, "Don't ye worry minister, as I told ye, I will get these as clean as soap and water can made them". The minister says farewell but as about to leave, nearly faints to see the homeowner place the plates on the floor and call out "Here Soap! Here Water! get yer dinner!