I need to hear a good new joke

[ntsqd]

 

[pvstoy]

Great

 

[Happyjax]

 

[Mighty Dodge Ram]

‍ Good one!

 

[teledork]

^that made me think of this:
A man goes to the doctor and tells him - I am wigwam, I am a teepee, I am a wigwam, I am a teepee - what is wrong with me doc?

The doc says - It is very clear to me that you are two tents

 

[Manfred65]

„DOC, i am sure I am a cookie!“

„You think such a round one?“
„Yes Doc!“
„With a ribbed edge?“
„Yes Doc!“
„ with some salt and pepper on you?“
„Yes Doc! Exactly like that!“
„OK, you are not a cookie, you are a cracker!“

 

[Stray Dog]

 

[teledork]

To Do List:
#1 - When money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won, I won!"
#2 - Hire two private investigators and get them to follow one another.
#3 - Wear a shirt that says "Life" and hand out lemons.
#4 - Get into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you are all wondering why I gathered you here today".
#5 - Major in Philosophy - ask people why they want fries with that.
#6 - Run into a store and ask what time it is, when someone tells you yell "it worked!" and run out cheering.
#7 - Become a doctor, change last name to Acula.
#8 - Buy a parrot and teach it to say, "Help I've been turned into a parrot".
#9 - Change name to Simon, speak in third person.
#10 - Follow joggers in your car blasting Eye of the Tiger for encouragement.

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

To Do List:
<snip>
#4 - Get into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you are all wondering why I gathered you here today".
<snip>

This one is no longer on my list

 

[teledork]

Funny bear campsite.jpg

excellent!

 

[pvstoy]

My Gal showed me this today from her Face-book feed.

This might also apply to the posting, "You know you are a Geezer when... you understand this..
.

 

[PaulT]

That’s great!

My doctor said I need to spend more time in the gym, so I renamed the bathroom from “the john” to “the jim.” Now, I have an excuse for keeping reading material there.

Paul

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Medical science has just released the name for the syndrome of owning too many dogs.

It’s called Roverdose. I’m afraid I might have it.

 

[ski3pin]

Medical science has just released the name for the syndrome of owning too many dogs.

It’s called Roverdose. I’m afraid I might have it.

Might?

You are so lucky to have the Bride keeping you in check.

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Might?

You are so lucky to have the Bride keeping you in check.

There are oh so many reasons for being grateful The Bride keeps me in check...

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Cowboys would put a lantern on their saddle at night so they
could find the trail when they were far away from home.
This was the first use of the new Saddle Light Navigation System.
Frank

 

[AWG_Pics]

Cowboys would put a lantern on their saddle at night so they
could find the trail when they were far away from home.
This was the first use of the new Saddle Light Navigation System.
Frank

OK that got me laughing!

 

[ski3pin]

Cowboys would put a lantern on their saddle at night so they
could find the trail when they were far away from home.
This was the first use of the new Saddle Light Navigation System.
Frank

Gold star Frank!

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Walmart just started a new section in some of their stores.
A dentist service,with a quick no wait lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

Frank

 

[ski3pin]

Walmart just started a new section in some of their stores.
A dentist service,with a quick no wait lane for people with 12 teeth or less.

Frank

And then there's the awful joke that it was a banjo picker who named it a "toothbrush" and not a "teethbrush."