I need to hear a good new joke

[ski3pin]

What do you get when a microscope and a telescope run into each other?
A kaleidoscope.

 

[rjap]

 

[JaSAn]

 

[Vic Harder]

View attachment 870688

ditto

 

[ski3pin]

Why is abbreviated so long?

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

The daily diary…

Her Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled
slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:
Truck won't start…..can't figure out why.

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Yeah that seems like it could be a man thing.
Frank

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

This one is truly a puzzle

 

[JaSAn]

They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to puke.

NOTHING get me out of bed faster!

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to puke.

NOTHING get me out of bed faster!

That is so very true.

 

[buckland]

It’s a ten minute walk from my place to the pub, and a forty-five minute walk from the pub back to my place.

The difference is staggering.

 

[goinoregon]

It’s a ten minute walk from my place to the pub, and a forty-five minute walk from the pub back to my place.

The difference is staggering.

i never got lost on the walk back home !

 

[CPT Davenport]

Trump/Musk

Although I guess not good or new.

 

[Sagebrush Reconnoiterer]

Gas went up 15¢ overnight. I'm not laughing.

 

[jkszoo]

They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog about to puke.

NOTHING get me out of bed faster!

Still laughing about this a day later, and I would add ‘on your bed’ which is my case!

 

[buckland]

A monk who claimed he saw the face of Jesus in his tub of margarine, said:

"I can't believe it's not Buddha."

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Rob, I think you have to live in Maine to truly enjoy that joke.

…and it might have been Parkay.

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

I know this should be in the geezer thread but since we're on the butter topic.
Does anyone remember the bags of oleomargarine that had a dot of orange
color in the middle of the bag that you would kneed for a long time to give the oleo
it's butter color? Somewhere in the late 40's early 50's.
I guess I am dating myself with this one.
Old geezer Frank

 

[ski3pin]

I know this should be in the geezer thread but since we're on the butter topic.
Does anyone remember the bags of oleomargarine that had a dot of orange
color in the middle of the bag that you would kneed for a long time to give the oleo
it's butter color? Somewhere in the late 40's early 50's.
I guess I am dating myself with this one.
Old geezer Frank

All that work.....................we just used butter.

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

All that work.....................we just used butter.

Did you get stuck with the milking and churning?

Have you ever been hit along the side of the head by a cow’s tail full of cockle burs?