I need to hear a good new joke

[ski3pin]

Did you get stuck with the milking and churning?

Have you ever been hit along the side of the head by a cow’s tail full of cockle burs?

Yes, back when I was a Quaker. I said to the cow, "Now Bossie, I cannot strike thee. But on the morrow I will sell thee to the baptist and he'll beat the **** out of thee."

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Ah, yes… the good old days of naming cows. I don’t remember all, but we had Flossie, Mable, Lolly, Mavis, and Shine (our milk cow)… all but Shine were Herefords.

Every bull was named Pete.

 

[Sagebrush Reconnoiterer]

Every bull was named Pete.

So, if there were two bulls, you had Pete and Repete?

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

All that work.....................we just used butter.

I had good strong hands after. Butter that was for the rich folks.
Frank

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

So, if there were two bulls, you had Pete and Repete?

Good one.
Frank

 

[JaSAn]

Grammar rule for today --> I before E, except for when:

Your neighbor Keith receives eight counerfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.

 

[JaSAn]

 

[ski3pin]

Grammar rule for today --> I before E, except for when:

Your neighbor Keith receives eight counerfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.

This is good!!!!!!!!

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

View attachment 1109842

They must be for people with hearing problems.
Frank

 

[Sagebrush Reconnoiterer]

View attachment 1109842

Maybe they meant "Loud Mouth" audio books.

 

[h2opup]

View attachment 1109842

 

[JaSAn]

It helps if you imagine autocorrect as a tiny little elf in your phone who's trying so hard to be helpful but is in fact quite drunk.

Michael Smith​

 

[JaSAn]

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember:
read and lead rhyme . . . and read and lead rhyme.
But read and lead don't rhyme
and neither do read and lead.

 

[Vic Harder]

Look up a book called “Anguished English”….

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

When I worked on UH 34 helicopters, I was always entertained by a message on the engine cowl, at the exhaust. It read:

In case of fire fight…
…fire here.

I wonder how many young Marines had the urge to shoot the exhaust stack.

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Two engineers are standing by a flagpole looking up at it.
A woman come along and asks "what are you guys looking at".
They told her that they needed to measure the height of the pole.
So the woman says "I'll help". She takes a wrench from her toolkit
and loosens the bolts at the bottom where the pole is attached.
Then lowering it to the ground she takes a tape measure from her kit
and comes up with 27'9". She tells the men that and walks away.
The men look at each other scratch their heads and say "well that doesn't
help,we wanted the height not the length".
Frank
.

 

[ski3pin]

Oh my goodness, Frank.

 

[ski3pin]

Everyone brings joy to our home. Some when they enter. Some when they leave.

 

[JaSAn]

 

[ski3pin]

Now that is gosh darn cute as a button.