I need to hear a good new joke

Did you get stuck with the milking and churning?

Have you ever been hit along the side of the head by a cow’s tail full of cockle
burs?

Yes, back when I was a Quaker. I said to the cow, "Now Bossie, I cannot strike thee. But on the morrow I will sell thee to the baptist and he'll beat the **** out of thee."
 
Ah, yes… the good old days of naming cows. I don’t remember all, but we had Flossie, Mable, Lolly, Mavis, and Shine (our milk cow)… all but Shine were Herefords.

Every bull was named Pete.
 
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When I worked on UH 34 helicopters, I was always entertained by a message on the engine cowl, at the exhaust. It read:

In case of fire fight…
…fire here.

I wonder how many young Marines had the urge to shoot the exhaust stack.

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Two engineers are standing by a flagpole looking up at it.
A woman come along and asks "what are you guys looking at".
They told her that they needed to measure the height of the pole.
So the woman says "I'll help". She takes a wrench from her toolkit
and loosens the bolts at the bottom where the pole is attached.
Then lowering it to the ground she takes a tape measure from her kit
and comes up with 27'9". She tells the men that and walks away.
The men look at each other scratch their heads and say "well that doesn't
help,we wanted the height not the length".
Frank
.
 

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