OP
OP
One of our favorite movies! We should watch it tonight. 
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
Did you hear the story about the traveling salesman who is staying overnight with a farm family?
When the family sits down to eat, there’s a pig in a chair at the table. The pig has three medals hanging around its neck and a wooden leg.
The salesman says, “Um, I see a pig is having dinner with you.”
“Yep,” says the farmer. “That’s because he’s a very special pig. You see those medals around his neck?
Well, the first medal is from when our baby son fell in the pond and was drowning, and that pig dove in, swam out, and saved his
life.
The second medal, that’s from when our little daughter was trapped in a burning barn, and that pig ran inside, carried her out, and saved her life.
And the third medal, that’s from when our oldest boy was cornered in the stockyard by a mean bull, and that pig ran under the fence, bit the bull’s tail, and saved the boy’s life.”
“Yes,” says the salesman, “I can see why you let that pig sit right at the table and have dinner with you. And I can see why you awarded him the medals. But how did he get the wooden leg?”
“Well,” says the farmer, “a pig like that—you don’t eat him all at once
When the family sits down to eat, there’s a pig in a chair at the table. The pig has three medals hanging around its neck and a wooden leg.
The salesman says, “Um, I see a pig is having dinner with you.”
“Yep,” says the farmer. “That’s because he’s a very special pig. You see those medals around his neck?
Well, the first medal is from when our baby son fell in the pond and was drowning, and that pig dove in, swam out, and saved his
life.
The second medal, that’s from when our little daughter was trapped in a burning barn, and that pig ran inside, carried her out, and saved her life.
And the third medal, that’s from when our oldest boy was cornered in the stockyard by a mean bull, and that pig ran under the fence, bit the bull’s tail, and saved the boy’s life.”
“Yes,” says the salesman, “I can see why you let that pig sit right at the table and have dinner with you. And I can see why you awarded him the medals. But how did he get the wooden leg?”
“Well,” says the farmer, “a pig like that—you don’t eat him all at once
OP
OP
Did you hear the one about the guy who sold his homing pigeon on ebay twenty-three times?
No, but I did read about the dog that sold the cat two or three times. First dog mugshot I’d ever seen.ski3pin said:
BTW, that is a good dog!
A man broke into a house one night, his goal was to take as many small and valuable items as possible. While he was searching through the stuff he heard a small voice "Jesus is watching you." He stopped for a moment and said to himself "This must be a voice from my old Sunday school lessons." So he continued searching, about 5 minutes later he heard the voice again "Jesus is watching you." He turned his flashlight to the direction and he saw a parrot. He said to the parrot "What is your name?" The parrot replied "My name is Moses" The robber then said "What kind of weird people would name their parrot Moses?"
The parrot looked up and said "The same people who named their rottweiler Jesus!"
The parrot looked up and said "The same people who named their rottweiler Jesus!"
Cats are tricky you have to sneak the pill into their food.
But Hercules didn't know this.
Frank
But Hercules didn't know this.
Frank
OP
OP
A neighbor kid was teaching this old fart some science today. "Do you know how to determine the gender of an ant?" he asked. I had not a clue. "Put it in water," he explained. "If it sinks, girl ant."
"And if it floats?" I asked.
"And if it floats?" I asked.
I have to admit I didn’t get it, but thankfully, The Boss of Me did.ski3pin said:
Groan
You guys will have to explain this one.
Above my pay grade.
Thanks
Frank
Above my pay grade.
Thanks
Frank
Groan just got it.
"Buoyant".
Guess this geezer still does have some brain cells un fried.
Frank
"Buoyant".
Guess this geezer still does have some brain cells un fried.
Frank
Rob they will,it's hard to hide with Google,Facebook
and other social media.
Nice try though.
Frank
and other social media.
Nice try though.
Frank
OP
OP
okay, just to be sure we're all on the same page.
How to determine an ant's gender.
Put it in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, boy ant.
How to determine an ant's gender.
Put it in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, boy ant.
Wandering Sagebrush said:
Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
buckland said:
OP
OP
I remember back to my first job when my boss told me, "I've taught you everything I know and you still don't know anything!"
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him
IRS AUDITOR: “I Need A List Of Your Employees And How Much You Pay Them".
Boat Owner: “Well, There's Clarence, My Deckhand, He's Been With Me For 3 Years. I Pay Him $1,000 A Week Plus Free Room And Board. Then There's The Mentally Challenged Guy. He Works About 18 Hours Every Day And Does About 90% Of The Work Around Here. He Makes About $10 Per Week, Pays His Own Room and Board, And I Buy Him A Bottle Of Bacardi Rum And A Dozen Budweisers Every Saturday Night So He Can Cope With Life. He Also Gets To Sleep With My Wife Occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: “That's The Guy I Want To Talk To - The Mentally Challenged One".
Boat Owner: “That Would Be Me. What Would You Like To Know”?
IRS AUDITOR: “I Need A List Of Your Employees And How Much You Pay Them".
Boat Owner: “Well, There's Clarence, My Deckhand, He's Been With Me For 3 Years. I Pay Him $1,000 A Week Plus Free Room And Board. Then There's The Mentally Challenged Guy. He Works About 18 Hours Every Day And Does About 90% Of The Work Around Here. He Makes About $10 Per Week, Pays His Own Room and Board, And I Buy Him A Bottle Of Bacardi Rum And A Dozen Budweisers Every Saturday Night So He Can Cope With Life. He Also Gets To Sleep With My Wife Occasionally".
IRS AUDITOR: “That's The Guy I Want To Talk To - The Mentally Challenged One".
Boat Owner: “That Would Be Me. What Would You Like To Know”?
OP
OP
I made it to 1:19 of 3:44.
I’ll never get that time back.
I’ll never get that time back.
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