I need to hear a good new joke

[pvstoy]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy.

He's a web designer.

+1 Nice!

 

[ski3pin]

The three signs of laziness -

#1

 

[ski3pin]

I was curious why the ball was getting bigger and then it hit me.

 

[Vic Harder]

I was curious why the ball was getting bigger and then it hit me.

groan!

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Groan +1

Love those groaners.

 

[smlobx]

I tried to donate blood today. NEVER AGAIN!!

Too many stupid questions.

- whose blood is it?
- where did you get it?
- why is it in a bucket?

 

[ski3pin]

Dear Algebra, please stop asking about your x. She's never coming back and don't ask y.

 

[ski3pin]

Adam and Eve were the first to ignore Apple terms and conditions.

 

[pvstoy]

Couple of nice ones

 

[BillTheHiker]

I'm hearing voices in my head: "battery low, battery low, battery low..."

 

[ski3pin]

Why are you littering?

A. I am a jerk
B. I don't care about natural areas
C. Mommy still cleans up after me.
D. All of the above

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Why are you littering?

A. I am a jerk
B. I don't care about natural areas
C. Mommy still cleans up after me.
D. All of the above

That pretty much sums it up.
Frank

 

[ski3pin]

Life is short. If you can't laugh at yourself, call me. I will.

 

[Vic Harder]

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
.
..
...
....

De Brie was everywhere!!!!

 

[Wandering Sagebrush]

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
.
..
...
....

De Brie was everywhere!!!!

Groan… I love it!

 

[ski3pin]

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
.
..
...
....

De Brie was everywhere!!!!

Clever, I like this one.

 

[Vic Harder]

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

I've always liked the B.C.
comics .

Frank

 

[Vic Harder]

I thought this one was apropos:

 

[ski3pin]

Not a joke but a bit of country wisdom -

Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.

Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

The biggest troublemaker you’ll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin’

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.