I need to hear a good new joke
Posted 08 June 2012 - 03:48 AM
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..
Female..Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.. Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys..
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male....... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said: You wear pants don't you?
He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said: That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Posted 08 June 2012 - 02:02 PM
"Not all who wander are lost. Except Ted, he's usually lost." Dirty Dog
Posted 08 June 2012 - 02:03 PM
That cracked me up. I get the idea a camping trip with Bill would be entertaining.
Posted 08 June 2012 - 02:05 PM
How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb? One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing lightbulbs and how the lightbulb could have been changed differently.
Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
Three to correct spelling/grammar errors.
Fore to spelle evere singel wird in the poste rong and ezpect evrywon to nowe wut thare sayin anywaye.
Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb".
Another six to condemn those six as stupid.
Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.
Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.
Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.
Thirty six to debate which method of changing lightbulbs is superior, where to buy the best lightbulbs, what brand of lightbulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty.
Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different lightbulbs.
Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.
Three to post URLs found when following the aforementioned URLs.
Thirteen to quote 5-paragraph posts in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and then add "Me too" or "+1".
Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot mentally handle the lightbulb controversy, or because the question will just encourage a popularity contest or a "steel base vs. plastic base" discussion.
Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting easy questions about light bulbs."
Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.
Nine to ramble on about how those liberal bastards want to take away all lightbulbs, and then sum it all up with a lame pun about Rosie O'Donnell choking on a 'fish taco'.
Twenty-four to read the first half of the post, and then answer a question NOBODY ASKED!!!
Five who get pissed over a joke that they probably didn't get in the first place.
Fifteen to argue which is more important; wattage or bulb placement.
Four to say that they only buy custom made lightbulbs.
Three to say that they buy cheap bulbs that are just as good as the custom made ones, but that way they have extra money for lampshades.
Five to ask the infamous "can a +P wattage bulb be used in my socket?" question.
Fourteen to debate which type of replacement light bulb is best (i.e. incandescent, halogen, fluorescent, LED)
four to debate the impact to the environment by changing a light bulb and what do do with the one removed to minimize the environmental impact.
Six to discuss alternative uses for burnt out light bulbs.
One to quote the treadlightly guideline that most likely covers changing light bulbs
Twelve to discuss the ethical use of light bulbs
Four to mention how they like to just line up light bulbs and shoot them
Three to inquire about which light bulbs one should carry as spares
Fourteen to discuss the best place to carry spare light bulbs
Six to discuss the best ways to protect light bulbs while off 'wheeling"
Six to discuss the best way to photograph light bulbs
Four to inquire about which camera would work best for photographing light bulbs.
A new thread on light bulb pictures
Two to ask about which maps to load in order to find light bulb GPS locations
One to point out the dangers of broken light bulbs
Thirty four to relate their or others experiences with broken light bulbs
Twenty one to discuss first response actions that are best used for the victim of a broken light bulb
Twenty nine new threads covering additional " how many ExPo members does it take to ..."
Fourteen to debate the meaning and proper use of "ExPo"
One to point out the proper light bulb for Glampers
One to point out that changing a light bulb is the classical first step in the progression of ship fitter's disease
One to ask what is ship fitter's disease
One to cross-post the whole topic on another forum.
3 to discuss if the alternator should be upgraded to better supply the light bulb with a steady and reliable source of power.
1 to ask the alternator posters how they define "steady and reliable".
7 to argue if it would be better to get a new alternator or modify/upgrade the one currently in the vehicle.
Four to suggest light-bulb changing be a three-hour course in Overland Training.
Six to pontificate on which size light bulb should be used during Overland Training.
Two to volunteer to hold the light bulb during Overland Training.
Two more to volunteer to energize the light bulb while the other two are holding them.
Sixteen to brag about being the first sixteen to be "Overland Training Light Bulb Changer Certified".
Five to provide a new market in used light bulbs on CL.
Twelve to post where used light bulbs can be found in various cities on CL.
Eleven of the twelve remember to post that they have no affiliation with the light bulb sellers on CL.
One "Articulate" to come up with the funniest one-liner of all about changing light bulbs.
A new thread asking for favorite light bulb changing songs
A new thread for pictures of before and after changed light bulbs
What I want to know is what were the light( )bulbs changed into?
Where does that road go?
Posted 08 June 2012 - 02:42 PM
Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.
and whew, now I know why I hang out over here. I did laugh though, thanks!
Posted 08 June 2012 - 03:01 PM
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
02 Eagle - 07 Tacoma TRD
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