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Solo Traveling While Female


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#21 teledork

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 05:55 PM

Too many people. Too many widely distributed media examples of public rage with no penalty for that behavior, in fact just the opposite, often a fan base develops. 

 

It is cultural IMO. A culture of impunity and as you said - a fan base.  A culture which is entertained by violence and - this will be my only mention because it can become a real dark and disgusting rabbit hole - specifically the violence against women that is legally filmed and used for (mostly) male entertainment. 

 

It seems that these are little boys that want to feel powerful but they are really just thin skinned cowards. Prove your virility by whooping it up on a 62 year old, 5'2" 120 pound woman? Oh yeah - what a "man". 


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#22 Vic Harder

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 06:02 PM

That is why the order of things is

 

1.) Try to ignore or reason with them depending on the situation

 

If I may make a suggestion?

 

Reason is not helpful in de-escalating a situation.  Meeting a person where they are at can be helpful.  That means connecting with them emotionally.  Two books that I have used as resources on this approach are:

 

NonViolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg - https://www.amazon.c...s/dp/189200528X

 

Fred Kofman - Conscious Business (especially the chapters on negotiation) - https://www.amazon.c...&s=books&sr=1-1

 

 

Vic


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#23 Happyjax

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 06:09 PM

I'm not sure I would go to reason but do the apologetic I'm so sorry I did not mean to breathe in your space....... well it could also be.... what the hell do you think you're doing??? Guess it depends which one of me shows up....lmao


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#24 Casa Escarlata Robles Too

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 06:11 PM

Thanks to all for the great responses to Teledork's story.

IMO just be safe out there.

Frank


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#25 teledork

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 06:36 PM

I’m glad you did post your experiences.  It reminds us all to be vigilant, and hopefully to look out for one another when we are out and about.  It also took a lot of courage to bring up a topic like misogyny.

 

This is the kind of thing that makes this forum real special. I don't feel particularly courageous but I do feel the  - if not me then who? -  kind of thing. 


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#26 teledork

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 06:39 PM

I'm not sure I would go to reason but do the apologetic I'm so sorry I did not mean to breathe in your space....... well it could also be.... what the hell do you think you're doing??? Guess it depends which one of me shows up....lmao

 

Ha! As I have continued to process this event I do recall saying to one of the guys, "what the hell is wrong with you?" I also called them "sweetie". Yeah - which one of me indeed? Ha! 


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#27 Smokecreek1

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 07:03 PM

Thank you for posting this. It seems that  we all have to have some type of plan to survive out there these days. I'm a retired male  BLM employee and remember  .when we first began to get lot',s of  female field employees in the late 70's and how my older bosses reacted to the sudden infusion.  Like many of the newer BLM "ologists" hired to implement a whole bunch of new laws that seemed to flood the BLM at the time and were upsetting how things were done, I was used to working with women and even having them for bosses.  In my outfit  the only women until  then were clerks who were required to wear dresses. And here came a whole bunch of them!

 

Working in the field whether male or female meant following certain protocols like trying to avoid bad situations in the first place (situational analysis) and if you could not  the customer was always right . We always tried to work in teams but there many situations were we worked alone. In both of my last two Districts all new employees were sort of mentored in field techniques before they were turned loose . In both Districts, management sort of suggested to our new  female employees (and some males too) that since there were so many unknowns out there and so many dead zones with no radio reception that they should go get a good field dog. A good dog whether the danger  was a animal or human , could give those seconds you need to climb a tree or get out of danger or by just by  being there could keep a situation from happening. I have always had a field dog in both work and play although from what I hear today some political hack made a determination that only rescue and law enforcement now could have dogs.

 

So, as suggested by many in this thread, (1) avoidance is the best way out of trouble, and (2),if you can't talk your way out, (3) have a dog, (4) wasp spray instead of my usual  bear spay (maybe a can of both?) and if they still try to break in  your pop-ups door, and despite the problems they present-a good ax or sometimes- gun!  I realize that not being a women I will never  the additional problems that means  that could destroy a trip to the woods.  Most people that go to the woods, that I know, whether male or female , do know what they are doing: it is unfortunate that there are more and more of those who don't know and don't care are finding their way into out play places and we have to be prepared for them.

 

Smoke


Edited by Smokecreek1, 27 July 2020 - 07:07 PM.

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#28 teledork

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 07:16 PM

If I may make a suggestion?

 

Reason is not helpful in de-escalating a situation.  Meeting a person where they are at can be helpful.  That means connecting with them emotionally.  Two books that I have used as resources on this approach are:

 

NonViolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg - https://www.amazon.c...s/dp/189200528X

 

Fred Kofman - Conscious Business (especially the chapters on negotiation) - https://www.amazon.c...&s=books&sr=1-1

 

 

Vic

 

From a DV counselor: "you cannot reason with an unreasonable person". 

 

 The Rosenberg book has been mentioned in my Sangha (Buddhist community) I just ordered a copy. 

 

The concept of meeting someone where they is both important and difficult. I've used it in a therapeutic situation when bodywork results in emotional release. The manner in which it could be used to diffuse a situation is probably similar to talking someone down off a ledge. You have provided a banquet for thought here! 


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#29 teledork

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 07:28 PM

 

Please don't let these awful incidents keep you from getting out.

 

I read your post to Julie as she has a couple female friends that are getting out on their own. She's working her mind around it. In fact she's sharing your story with one friend on the phone now.

 

I'm curious what they'll come up with. You have generated good discussion, thank you.

 

Our best to you.

 

I'll be interested in what Julie and her friends come up with too. I won't quit going out. I will quit Saturdays though. Laundry has to be done sometime. 


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#30 AWG_Pics

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 08:12 PM

From a DV counselor: "you cannot reason with an unreasonable person". 

 

 

I have been trained, maybe over-trained, in management, supervisory, conflict management, risk communication and such. An important consideration is that roughly 5% of all people have a somewhat short term bout of mental illness and roughly 2% of people are pegged hard over into always crazy. In either case, none of the nifty conflict management, de-escalation techniques will work. Your best hope is to get away as quickly as possible.


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